He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
