i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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