textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
