Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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