HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
