if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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