dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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