Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
