does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
