Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
