Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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