Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
