Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
