A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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