My sheets look like a crime scene.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry about my life...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
