i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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