Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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