im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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