My first STD was from a foam party
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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