His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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