I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
