Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
