I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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