I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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