Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
