Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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