Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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