I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
