I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
