My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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