We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
