My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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