Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
