i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
