no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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