yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
