Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
