so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
