so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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