I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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