Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
