Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
