I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
