if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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