So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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