seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
