i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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