Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
