she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
