No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
