if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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