How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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