Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
